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blue eye

Countdown

Posted on 2010.10.17 at 22:06
Current Mood: blankblank
Tags: , ,
My surgery is in 5 days...OMG!!! I am not looking forward to this...

My spotting did stop - haven't had anything for a couple of days. I had the 1 month booster Lupron shot on Thursday. Seemed kind of pointless but in for a penny, in for a pound as they say.

I have been fairly depressed lately. I probably gained 5 to 7 pounds in these last 3 months. I hope to be motivated to do something about it after my surgery and I see and feel that these beasts are out of my body. That and I haven't bought any new clothes in quite a while because I hate my body!

Have been having more hot flashes, but they are not that big of a deal. I get hot for a couple of minutes. Then it goes away.

So I go for my pre-op appt on Wednesday. I can't believe this is finally happening. I have to keep telling myself that the surgery should go fine, and there is nothing to worry about. But at the same time, I made a list of all my bank accounts and financial info for my daughter in case something happens to me.

greeneyes

2 more weeks

Posted on 2010.10.08 at 21:06
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
I can't believe my surgery is only 2 weeks away. Definitely getting scared, but at the same time not as scared as I would have been a couple of years ago.

Something that I haven't mentioned much but it is more noticeable now. I think it is most definitely linked to the Lupron. I have been very depressed. I am a depressed person to start with, so how can I tell, right? Well it is because it is much deeper and more pervasive than usual. I can't work up ANY motivation to work out. I mean, I am on my way to getting rid of my 5 month size uterus, and have my body back. And before this I was working out some-even if not as regularly as I should have, I was working out. And I just can't muster anything. I feel so sad. I am on the verge of tears all the time. All I want to do is eat and lay down.

Since last time I posted, I have been bleeding. Not as heavy as my usual period, but still it is bleeding. Not spotting. This is getting so old.

Very few and minor hot flashes. My night sweats are gone.

A couple of weeks ago I made an my pre-op appointments. Today I logged on to my Kaiser account and saw that my post-op appointment was already scheduled! I know this sounds strange but it made me feel like I am not going to die, and will be around for the post-op appointment. Total bullshit, but it made me feel better...

greeneyes

Grrr

Posted on 2010.10.02 at 16:08
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Tags: , ,
Shit. I had a whole 2 days with no bleeding or watery discharge. Since Thursday I have been spotting :( :( :(

I am so tired of wearing pads and tampons. It's so freaking expensive too.

On the positive side, my fibroids have definitely shrunk. Now I can see how fat I actually am :( BUT it motivates me in a whole new way to get my body back. My stomach is definitely looking different. A sneak preview of what I will look like after the surgery.

pink eye

Quick and to the point

Posted on 2010.09.28 at 21:26
Current Mood: okayokay
Tags: , ,
Less than a month to go before my surgery :-/ I am such a scaredy cat.

As for any Lupron symptoms: a few mild hot flashes. The groin sweat is gone, thank goodness. That really was bugging me. I still have a very little of the watery clear discharge. I expect it to be gone in a couple of days. Hopefully I won't have any more bleeding until after my surgery. I have to remember to call to get an appointment for my last Lupron shot.

I have noticed that my abdomen is softer. And the fibroids have definitely shrunk. Not super dramatic. But now instead of looking pregnant I just look fat. LOL not that that is anything to get excited about. But it is a different look. If I hadn't been so depressed the last couple of months and didn't eat everything in sight, as well as drink too much wine, I would probably look kind of good.

brown eyes

Surgery scheduling

Posted on 2010.09.20 at 20:52
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Tags: , ,
So today I called the scheduling office and made the pre-op appointments. Yikes!!!! I am getting scared. I keep having this horrible feeling that I am not going to wake up from the surgery, or something is going to go wrong :-/ But that is just me, I am a pessimist...

Surgery 10/22, pre-op 10/20. That is so soon :<

I am now having the clear watery discharge. I hate this part the most. It is so annoying!! It is pretty heavy too.

A few hot flashes but nothing too bad. Still got the groin sweat though O_o

That's about it. I really am pretty surprised that my reaction to Lupron has been so mild.


pink eye

update

Posted on 2010.09.17 at 19:59
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Led Zepplin
Tags: , ,
OK 3 days later. STILL bleeding although it is more of a trickle now. A few more hot flashes, but I should call them warm flashes. I get pretty warm, but not super sweaty. But I did notice that I am sweating in weird ways. For instance, in my groin area. Ewww.

I had cramps yesterday and today. I keep getting these weird pains that seem to be coming from my fibroids, or in that same area? Not sure. But since they are supposed to be shrinking perhaps that is what is causing the pains? I don't know for sure, but it makes sense. They are not horrible or anything. Just something to note.

Overall, to this point, I am still kind of surprised that I am not experiencing more severe and noticeable symptoms. I have read a lot of scary things about Lupron that I was expecting more. But after my initial anxiety ridden phase, I don't even think about it very much. If I wasn't writing this journal I would think about it even less. But I wanted to record it as it was happening - good, bad or indifferent.

I can't believe how close my surgery is now. A little over a month away. I am not sure what to think about that. I have such a fear of surgery. I don't know how I am going to cope as it approaches even closer. Right now, I am focusing on things that are going to happen sooner. For instance, I am going to the MUSE concert next weekend and I am so excited. And then Dexter is having the season premier. Then Hockey season starts. So I am trying to just think about that and ignore the surgery date.

greeneyes

and another thing

Posted on 2010.09.14 at 22:38
Tags:
I am still bleeding. Not as heavy, but it is still there.

greeneyes

I am tired

Posted on 2010.09.14 at 22:37
Current Mood: tiredtired
Tags: , ,
The past 3 or 4 days I have been so tired. I was thinking it was anemia but you know it could be the Lupron. I looked it up and that can be a side effect.

So add tiredness to my list of side effects I have experienced on Lupron.

Usually, at this time of night, I am just settling in my bed for at least an hour of reading. But the way I feel right now I don't know if I can even concentrate for very long.

10/22 just can't come soon enough. On the one hand I am scared shitless...the thought of surgery is very frightening, I keep thinking I am going to die. But I just want all of this shit to be over. I really should have taken care of this last year but like a chicken I waited til now.

blue eye

ahhhh!

Posted on 2010.09.13 at 21:48
Current Mood: crankycranky
I just had to scream. I am STILL bleeding heavily. I did hear back from my Dr and he said that since my uterus is so large it is unpredictable how I would respond to lupron so no worries re: the bleeding. But I am feeling so tired! so I am back on iron pills because I am sure my fatigue is from anemia.

Other than that, a couple of minor hot flashes.

So I just need to chug along until 10/22.

I am actually looking forward to it now because as long as there are little to no complications I think my life will improve greatly.

pink eye

Spoke too soon

Posted on 2010.09.10 at 21:00
Current Mood: blahblah
Tags: ,
Well fuck.

The day after my last post, I started spotting, and now have been in full heavy bleeding mode for the past 3 days :( :( :(

WTF

I thought I would at least have the benefit of no bleeding for 3 months, but nooooooooooooooo.

I am kind of getting annoyed at my gyn. He never did answer my last email and I sent him another one yesterday morning about the bleeding because it is pretty heavy and he still hasn't answered. How long does a short email take to compose? The way the Kaiser system works, I can tell he has read it. Well maybe he doesn't type fast, because I can spit out a short email in probably under 10 seconds.

It still feels like I am not really going to be having surgery. Like something is going to happen, some mishap or scheduling error, and it will be canceled. I sure hope not, but that thought has been on my mind for a while.

And today I briefly had those weird neck pains so yet another nagging thought in the back of my head.

But at least I am not having much if any hot flashes. I say it that way because I will occasionally feel a bit warm, but it is so minor and doesn't really bother me...so if they can be considered hot flashes they are no big deal.

I am a bit emotional today though.


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